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Random thoughts

Hi sweetheart,

Very sorry for the long pause. Dad has loads to tell you. I had two weekend trips this March. One with college acquaintances and another with my school friends. Travel stories are saved for bedtime :D

I was thinking about last year March. I was having 14-15 hours sleep a day just to escape my sudden breakdowns. Rest of the time awake, words I have heard, haunted me like a knife that bled me every single second. I was not being able to open my laptop for 15 days straight. I still remember every second of silence felt like years. I can not remember a single day passed when I have not cried to sleep. I won't stop if I start telling about those days. I know you will meet Debrup uncle and Shamik uncle one day, they know a lot about those days. If they were not there for me those days, maybe I would have drowned. I hope to tell you about my heartbreak someday.

Back to this March. I just realized that I actually had some good laughs after a long long time. To be very honest, I initially thought of not telling about my traumatic days but then I realized that actually defines me. Now, when I look back, I see how far I have come. I do agree that looking back is not always pleasant for me. But one thing I have noticed lately. Earlier I used be sad whenever some happy memories float back to me. But now, with time, I kind of feel happy again as they come. I feel both the days, good or bad, had made me who am I today. An advice for you dear. Always remember, it's humane to make mistakes. Nothing is wrong in that. What matters is acknowledging that and act upon the same. Similarly, it's not about the result, it is always about the efforts you put in. You may fail n number of times but if you are honest with your efforts, you will succeed at the n+1 time, whatever the goal is, how gloomy the situation may look like. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

From the very childhood, I was always that guy with lots of friends. But, I never had that "best friend" kind of thing in my life. Actually, I never felt the need of having that. Neither I used to share my personal life with anyone. Then I met her in college. She was, perhaps the only person, whom I shared everything. Now it brings me both tears and smile to think that, I had a friend, a best friend, a lover, a partner, a colleague, all in one person. And nevertheless, I cherished that. I do miss us, a lot. When I lost her, it felt like I lost myself too. Dear, I think it is good to have some close buddies in life too. I have realised that lately. Days will come when you will feel things are way heavier to handle. What you need to do is to share. I still believe in investing in people, they never disappoint. Let me tell you a secret, your dad can be your buddy too ;D

Yours always,
Dad

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